Sad sad sad

Last christmas 2016, I remember not wanting to have this photo taken, but mom insisted…Β 

While I was my writing blog posts about my amazing awesome plans for 2018, having that on top of the world feeling, suddenly the unthinkable happened and left my family and me heartbroken.

My mother died.

It happened exactly three weeks ago. Sometimes I still can’t believe it really happened and sometimes it scares the shit out of me, that it did. When days go by you notice that life goes on. Everybody is minding their own business. After two weeks nobody asks how you feel. All seems forgotten. And it annoys the hell out of me. Everybody is moving on and I’m like: Hey, wait a minute my mother died, my world just crumbled down. How can you move on? But your grief is not theirs and it will never be.

One moment it feels like I can deal with it, the other moment you are one pile of despair crying on the floor. Missing someone, missing my mommy, knowing she is not here anymore… It is tough. But all you can do is go through all the emotions. And maybe it will get better in time. Death is as much part life as life is, but it is sure hard part to deal with.

But still yet how sad & tired I am most of the days, it also made me realize to do and love whatever and whoever the hell you want! It made me more determined and more conscious. Life goes by so fast, it is so magical if we are open enough to see it, the people we love are precious and we should cherish them when we can.

I wasn’t already a fan of the Holidays, but now… Ugh, actually I can’t be bothered, but now it sure does feel nice to have my loved ones around during those days and enjoy their company.

I will do my awesome things in 2018 and yes I will share them with you. I will enjoy them even more than I already planned to do. Maybe I won’t post as often and much as I planned, but that’s OK. It’s all part of the healing process. I just need some time to get by. I am nervous to post this, it is really personal and vulnerable.

Do you miss loved ones during the Holidays or any other days? How do deal with it?

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